Force of Nature
by Autumn810
Summary: A little piece of Violet Shadows He's suffering; I can tell. Even after death, he's haunted, waking up in a cold sweat every night. He's quiet in the mornings, too quiet for it to be normal. I thought it would only last the first week or so, we all thought it would past. It's tearing him apart, and there's nothing I can do.


**I JUST HAD THE SUDDEN URGE TO GO DEEPER THAN THE SHALLOW ENDING OF VIOLET SHADOWS, BECAUSE MY MIND IS FULL OF TRAGEDY AND ANGST THAT NEEDS TO BE WRITTEN OUT IN STORY FORM BEFORE I BECOME VINCENT VALENTINE** **XD**

There's no such thing as a happy ending. I've seen the supposed happiness granted once or twice, only for the joy to be sucked right out of the victim's soul forever. Family members have died, lovers ripped away, and friends with fates worse than death itself. I've seen all of this, and yet I still hoped that we'd finally have a happy ending, despite my fate as a Sender. I hoped that he'd find a way to remember me when he walked the Planet again, that he wouldn't forget me while I was trapped down here. But most of all, I hoped that the horrid dreams of Hojo's deeds and visions of their lover getting ripped to shreds in front of them.

Occasionally, I'd wake up with a silent screaming pushing at my throat, sweat beading my skin. I'd get up in the morning and put a smile on, pretending that nothing happened. I'd forget it halfway through the day, and that would be it. But he... Almost every night, I can hear the screaming coming from his room across the hall. Ruka's learned _not_ to run out into the hall with a sharpened pencil every time it happened, thankfully.

He gets up after an evening of bloody nightmares and walks downstairs, where I'm always up making tea. He takes his cup silently and sits at the table, hunched over the liquid while he stares at the swirling steam. Half an hour later, he gets up, drink untouched, and goes back upstairs to do God knows what. He's always so quiet, too quiet, even for him. Ruka never asks questions, just watches him with well hidden pity.

We thought it would be better here, but nothing's changed, really. There're deep claw marks in his wooden headboard, tears in the mattress, and occasionally, I can hear something glass shattering in there. Whether it's his sudden panic or anger, I have no idea. I don't mention anything, but he _knows._ He knows that he wakes us up all the time, he knows that we're worried, but he doesn't show it. He doesn't want help, pity, he doesn't want anyone to care. What good will someone else's care do when you can't feel anymore?

Vincent's not stupid. He has ways of learning things that no one's ever stated allowed. He knows that I'm never allowed to leave this emerald green prison, he knows that I'll be forgotten when the Planet cycles life through again. He doesn't want it to happen, but he knows he can't help it. He doesn't hope. He has no faith. He's drained, empty, dying in the freaking _afterlife._ He's numb.

I've tried so hard to help but I can't do anything. He ignores my playful jabs, Ruka's smiles, Cid's profane jokes. He's closing off again because he's _afraid_ of what will happen if he lets us in. The dreams come so close to reality, they look and feel so real. So close that he can't tell reality from visions anymore. He woke up one day fully convinced that he'd torn me to pieces under the influence of Chaos. He found his lost sanity once before, but now it's slipping away like a soap bar. He can't wash these damaged pieces of him away. He can't be pure again. He can't, he can't, he can't...

We went to Aeris's house again to just be _Avalanche_ again. To be the mismatched family of wackos that we are. Vincent was so tired, he hadn't been sleeping for days because of the nightmares. Chaos wasn't there to block the nuisances anymore, Shadow not close enough to absorb the power behind them. He'd dozed off on the couch, and we'd all sneaked to the kitchen. Not ten minutes later, there was a scream from the living room. It scared the crap out of Tifa and Cid, the two of them jumping simultaneously. We piled out of the small space just in time to see Vincent close the front door behind him, walking away from the house quickly.

He didn't come home for weeks after that. He never looked at me when I saw him around, instantly turning on his heel to walk away. It hurt to be getting shoved out so quickly. Every night I wished Ruka a good night's sleep and closed myself in my room. All I wanted to do was ball up and cry until I couldn't breathe, wondering why the Planet couldn't take pity on us and take our suffering away. I'd slip out of my bedroom and curl up in his bed, snuggled up with the illusion that he was right there. Reassuring myself that he'd come back the next day. Promising to tell how much he means to me next time he tries to run. Swearing that I would take away his intense desire to vanish from everywhere forever. To erase his place in time. To die, for real this time.

It was just the other day that Ruka and I were picking at our dinner, my best friend cheerfully trying to make conversation. The front door had swung open shyly, Vincent slowly stepping into his home. The door hardly had time to shut before I was throwing my arms around him, crushing him against as tightly as I could. I think I might've been crying. I could've been shaking. I know for sure I said "Don't you ever go again" at least twelve times. He promised that he wouldn't.

Vincent overcame the months of depressing, silent torture slowly. He'd have off days just like everyone, but he didn't push me away if I knocked on his door when he woke up from another bad one. He'd smile occasionally, laughing at Ruka's antics rarely. But that's just who he is. I don't expect him to become freaking _Gabe,_ I just want him to be happy.

He's overcome losing his mind once again. I can't believe how unpredictable he is, even after all this time. He can't be stopped, he's mesmerizing, mysterious no matter how many year you've known him. Like a tornado of unorganized emotions and memories that he can't control. Like an earthquake, with the power to break anything right down to its very _core_. Like a tsunami, crashing down on you with a wave of hurting humanity that knocks you off your feet and nearly drowns you. He's an unrestrainable force of nature, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've only been pointing out his weaknesses until this point. The truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared that this is all another realistic dream, that when I open my eyes he'll be gone and all of this will have never happened. I'm scared that he'll wake up one day and realize that he could have someone so much better than _me._ I'm scared that I've been imagining the adoration I've seen be so obvious in our eyes, that I'm really just daydreaming in Mrs. Parker's basic geometry class back as a twelve year old. Vincent, I...

I find myself thinking too deeply at times, and I find that I'm afraid that I'll wake one morning to discover that you were nothing more than a dream. That everything thing we escaped and experienced with Avalanche was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. A figment meant to create an escape to my suffering. To create friends to finally care that I'm a broken machine that can't be fixed, friends that accept that fact readily. To conjure a lover in my greatest time of need. Sometimes I look at you and wonder if you're even real. And my heart shatters like glass, because there's no way for me to know. That's why I lock away every thing we do, ponder every moment. Because I'm afraid you'll vanish. I'm afraid to lose you. I'm terrified that you're not real. I can't tell reality and dreams apart anymore. I'm like you. I need repairing.

Maybe we'll crash down on the world together someday.

 **TAH-DAH! ONE MINUTE UNTIL MIDNIGHT, AND TOMORROW'S MONDAY, BUT I JUST HAD TO STIR THAT CONCOCTION UP BEFORE :)**


End file.
